The Power & Craft of Being Present

Class 1.5 in How to (Get People to) Show Up

Note: This is the next in our “course” / series on How to (Get People to) Show Up. The introductory post is here. Other posts in this course can be found here. The starter post in this series on “Presence” can be found here.

Lecture

In previous conversations on this platform, I've spoken about the transformative energy of presence—how it can turn everyday encounters into pivotal life moments, influence communities, and heal. Let's delve deeper into the essence of being truly present and why it's crucial for genuine human connections.

Becoming Present & Why It Matters

Often, I find people seeking to fortify their presence, that intangible quality that is frequently spoken of but rarely understood. In many cases, the quest for presence is focused outward—on the desire to make others show up for us. While that's important, the secret to unlocking such power lies within. Let's take a step back and first master the art of showing up for ourselves. The narrative of presence doesn't just flow outward; it's a dual exchange between the self and the world.

Inner Workings Before Outward Impact

Why start with the self? The simple, sometimes uncomfortable truth is, you can't control other people, only yourself. Life can often feel uncontrollable, a bewildering ride with ups and downs. If you find yourself craving the fulfillment that comes from needing people to need you, beware: this path can lead to toxic codependency.

Beyond the Cliché of "Showing Up"

The phrase "showing up" has almost lost its weight due to overuse. It’s important to think about why: true presence is fleeting. Average folks just don’t experience it that regularly.  I don't mean presence isn't something that can be mastered by any capable human being, I simply mean that presence is more than just showing up in a room and forgetting about it.  We have all been in a situation where we were present but not actually there.  Whether you were checking your phone, planning what you were going to eat later, or just mindlessly staring into nothingness at a party, being present isn't about being physically somewhere, it's about being mentally aware too.

In order to become present one must become aware of their stage. So what’s your stage?

Have you ever had a night where you've gone out with your friends to see a band, but suddenly find yourself alone, standing off to the side of the crowd? Or have you ever attended an industry event where you find yourself talking about jobs and responsibilities instead of connecting on a personal level? If so, it's very possible that you weren't showing up with presence.

The stage for your presence isn't just the physical space you occupy; it's the mental and emotional space you create for yourself and others.

Presence: A Corporate Buzzword with Soul

There's no doubt presence is a hot topic in the workplace right now. As technology connects us in more and more ways, companies and HR professionals are vying for people with presence: those who can show up in person, when it matters most — whether that's through emails or phone calls or even (Oh, my God!) in face to face conversations.

Companies are hunting for employees who possess this ethereal skill of presence. And it's not just a 'nice-to-have'. A true presence can catalyze authentic dialogues, foster collaboration, and drive concrete business outcomes. Presence in a professional setting is not just a career booster; it's a community builder.

The Essence of Presence

So, what exactly is presence? At its core, presence is about being fully here—body, mind, and spirit. It means communicating your thoughts and feelings without inhibition, and being keenly aware of how these ripple across those around you. Presence isn't about crafting an artificial image; it's the art of authentic self-expression.

The beauty of presence is its innate power to attract—better opportunities, meaningful relationships, fulfilling experiences. When you interact with full presence, you foster a unique kind of trust that draws people closer, making new connections and strengthening existing ones.

Yet, presence is not a given. Many of us are frequently distracted or ruled by our internal limitations—fears, insecurities, and the need for external validation. Those who incessantly seek approval often erode not only their own presence but also the collective presence in any gathering. For these folks, getting praise is about meeting some future goal (as in something not in the present), such that they become disconnected from their present so their presence is diminished for everyone around them.

The Fairy Wizard Hypothesis

Here’s my working hypothesis: (a) people who are great at being present are essentially magical fairy wizard genies who run the world and the communities in it because (b) the world and its communities have a single, overriding problem on a day-to-day, year-to-year, century-to-century basis, which is that they don’t have enough magical fairy wizard people; therefore, (c) learning to be a magical fairy wizard person benefits the world, its communities, and you.

I’ve been doing this magic work for a while folks and I don’t know of any organization, team, audience, staff, family, religious organization, chamber of commerce, local government, or any other group of people you can think of where they have enough people who are present, engaged, and motivated. They may have bodies, but they don’t have minds and spirits. 

And all the magic requires is this showing up fully. When showing up happens, it means amazing things can and will happen.

Showing up means a lot of things, like being more productive, seeing easier success, building sturdier communities and relationships. They’re resilient. They’re overcomers. If you show up as a leader, your team is more likely to show up to support you. If you’re a manager who models showing up for your sales team, they can learn how to show up for clients. If you’re a performer or creative who shows up for your audience, they will show up, start fan clubs, and give you money hand over fist.

Can Presence Be Cultivated?

Let’s say you’re not born with presence. What if presence was something you could cultivate? What would it mean to your life to show up every day grounded in your body and engaged in the world? What would happen if you stopped showing up just for other people; but began showing up for yourself instead?

People often ask themselves: how do I create presence in my life and in the presence of others? The first step is knowing what presence is. Presence can be defined as a mental state of awareness, presence, or consciousness. Distance doesn't define presence; it's an inner experience rather than an outer one.

When you are present to something, you are consciously aware of it. You are actively noticing your environment instead of focusing on autopilot tasks like walking or driving home from work. But it can also work in the opposite direction. Have you ever been so engrossed in a conversation that you didn't realize your train had arrived at its destination until the doors opened? That’s presence, too.

The presence you bring into a room or into a conversation can be as powerful as your actions.  In today's image-driven world, presence is more important than ever.

Here’s another, better, more generous way of saying what I just said:

Presence is the gift you give to yourself and other people. Forget image for a second. Think about every relationship you’ve ever had. Every time you’ve been flirted with or flirted. Every time your parent or caretaker was really there with you. Not focused on work or money problems or keeping the place clean. But really there. Think about every time you’ve experienced joy.

My guess is it is not coming when you fire off some emails or Tweets or when you refresh your social media page or see the little red notification circle pop up. My guess is that these things draw you out of where you are.

It's been said that presence isn't something you do, it's a way of being. So what does presence mean and how do we cultivate it?

I’d love to hear from you about this in the comments or chat on the Substack app — and there is more on the subject of presence on the way soon.

Stuff for Showing Up

Discussion Questions

1. What does 'presence' mean to you, and can you share a pivotal experience where either your presence or someone else's made a significant impact?

2. How does your professional or community role shape your approach to presence, and have you faced challenges in being fully present?

3. How do you balance 'showing up' for others while also showing up for yourself? Have you ever found these to be in conflict?

4. What are your thoughts on the idea that mastering presence can create a deep sense of trust and community? Do you agree with the blog's hypothesis about the transformative power of being fully present?

At-Home Activity: The Dinner Table Experiment

Objective:

To cultivate a stronger sense of presence by engaging fully with those around you during a daily ritual — dinner. This could be with family, roommates, or even if you're dining alone.

Materials Needed:

• A meal (homemade or ordered doesn't matter)

• A timer (optional)

• A notebook and pen

Instructions:

1. Preparation: Before dinner, take a few moments to sit quietly and breathe deeply. Let go of the day's stress and distractions. Center yourself.

2. Device Detox: Make it a rule to have no devices at the table for the entire week. If you need to, inform people that you'll be unreachable during your dinner time.

3. Mindful Eating: As you eat, focus on the flavors, the textures, and the aroma of your food. Chew slowly and savor each bite.

4. Engaged Conversation: If you're dining with others, make it a point to listen actively. Make eye contact, nod, ask open-ended questions. If you're alone, consider this a time for self-reflection. You could also include a focused reading or a moment to express gratitude for the day.

5. Time Capsule: After dinner, jot down some observations in your notebook. Did being present change the dynamics of the dinner? How did it affect your mood and those around you?

6. Reflection: At the end of the week, review your notes. How has this practice impacted you? What differences have you noticed in your interactions and sense of self?

Discussion Points for After the Experiment:

• Did the act of being present become easier or change in some way over the week?

• How did this activity impact your relationships or sense of connection, if at all?

• Were there any moments where you found it challenging to remain present? What distracted you?

Social Activity: The Presence Potluck

Objective:

To create an environment where everyone is encouraged to be wholly present, thereby deepening connections and enriching interactions. This activity is excellent for a range of social settings, from friends and family to professional teams or community groups.

Materials Needed:

• Food and drink for a potluck (each participant brings a dish)

• Comfortable seating

• Paper and pens for each participant

• A “talking stick” or similar object

Instructions:

1. Invitation: When inviting people to the Presence Potluck, inform them that this is a special gathering focusing on the concept of "presence." Encourage each person to bring a dish that has meaning or a story behind it.

2. Grounding Exercise: Begin the gathering with a brief grounding exercise to help everyone shift into a state of presence. This could be a simple guided meditation, breathing exercise, or a moment of collective silence.

3. The Talking Stick: Pass around the “talking stick” (or equivalent). The person holding the stick has the floor, and everyone else listens with their full attention. Invite participants to share the story behind the dish they brought, or perhaps a recent experience where they felt truly present.

4. Mindful Eating: As people partake in the potluck, remind them to savor each bite, appreciating the flavors and the company. Encourage them to eat without distractions.

5. Reflection and Sharing: Before parting, offer a space for participants to share their experience of the evening. What did they notice? How did the act of intentional presence affect their social interaction?

Discussion Points for After the Activity:

• How did focusing on presence influence your experience of the social gathering?

• Did you notice anything new or surprising about people you've known for a long time?

• How did this form of social interaction compare to more 'regular' social settings?