Wearing Out
Am I doing it right? No one will tell me. This is adulthood, I think.
In so many settings lately, I’ve been out there on my own. This faculty group needs leadership. This idea needs an engineer. This application could lead me down a long path of discernment. This decision could kill me. Or this one could keep me alive a while longer. And while I know I’m not alone in the out there category, part of the deal is that if you’re out there, you are bound to feel alone.
Am I doing okay? What about now? What about now now? Was that all right? Wait a sec. Are you okay with what I just did? Wait another second. Why did I even ask that?
Taking risks puts us out there. That can leave us feeling destabilized, lost, and uncertain.
Such anxiety leads us to the use of the metaphorical handrail. For some of us, that handrail is chemical. For some, relational. For some, ritualistic. For some, dogmatic. In many cases — especially the unhealthy ones — moves from providing a necessary season of comfort and support to being an operating assumption for our lives. Certainty where there isn’t meant to be any.
One day that rail is going to rust right through.
Build your risk muscles by taking comfort without answers.